Memories
by HawkgirlAFT
Summary: Gokudera's journey of acceptance and healing. Please, check the prologue! It is still a draft, so reviews are precious!
1. PROLOGUE

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Katekyo Hitman REBORN! or any of its characters. All original characters will be properly addressed as they show up at the chapters.

Enjoy and, please, review!

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PROLOGUE

There was a picture he took with him. A picture of his family. Or almost.

The sweet but distant woman that was not his mother.

The sister that poisoned, traumatized and used him as lab rat.

The unfaithful man who cheated on his wife, took a child of their mother's arms and then killed her.

Family that lie to him his whole life.

He wasn't sure why he kept it for so long, or why he took it to Japan. Maybe to remember himself what betrayal feels like. Whenever he felt alone, he used it to remember who was to blame for all the confusion and misfortunate in his life.

He replaced the sadness with angriness, filled the empty places of his heart with sorrow and resentment.

He does not regret it. His tears built him up, the hurt and bruises marked his identity, all the violence shaped him.

His wounds pruned him.

Once, however, he felt lost and wanted to come back.

Despite all the grief, his wish was to run back to their arms. Then it occurred him he didn't know those people anymore, and maybe has never known. Instead, he chose to ran back through his memories.

At three years old, during his birthday party, Hayato first noticed no one in his entire family looked like him. He had his father and sister's green eyes, but that was the only assemblance. His cousins all looked like somebody else: their parents, their grandparents or even their uncles. Not him. It felt weird, but he soon forgot it and went to play with the other kids.

At five, he felt that way again. Father asked to replace an old picture of them for a new one. Every time the two parts of the family - his father and mother's relatives - were together, pictures were taken. Those kind of pictures taken by professionals, with weird equipaments and fancy clothes. There was one with his grandparents, although his grandmother did not get along with his father, one with their cousins and one with just the four of them. Going through all those pictures, Hayato noticed again the padron he didn't fit in.

He wanted to talk about that with someone, maybe get some explanation to make him feel better. It had to be someone who would tell if anything was wrong with him. _That is what doctors are for, isn't it?_

On the next day, Hayato pretended he was sick so the doctor would show up. Dr. Shammal was a weird man who seemed to know a lot, and probably the only employee who didn't care about manners or Hayato's age and status. A single thought crossed his head: _Shammal isn't nice but at least he is not fake._ He already knew money made people treat them differently. There was something else though.

Hayato could not understand what was his father's job. He knew it was dangerous and related to power, which would make people fear and try to please his father. It also made life comfortable for them, with parties, trips, gifts, toys, big houses. More than once he saw guns. According to Nanny, guns were used to defeat people with bad intentions. Hayato would rather have his father safe and near.

The answer Hayato got was confused, as if Shammal didn't know or didn't want to tell him the truth. His words were fancy on purpose, Hayato guessed. Something about how genetics plays a part on people's appearance and can be difficult to justify. He also suggested Hayato asked his parents, since, as he stated, doctors are not paid to answer a kid's existential crisis. _Rude_, he thought, _but fair_. He never asked.

A few years after, Hayato still question himself on what their answers would be.

_Lies. Definitely more lies._

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Hi! I'm so happy to publish my first fanfiction! This is just a brief context. I'll be focusing on Hayato's story and his journey to overcome the ghosts from his past. Please, be sure to check my tumblr account for any reccomentations or critics! Comments here are more than welcome! Also, fell free to correct any grammatical error, since english is not my first language and I also use writting as a practice /br /See you probably next week with Chapter I and II!

xoxo,

Nath.


	2. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Katekyo Hitman REBORN! or any of its characters. All original characters will be properly addressed as they show up at the chapters.

Enjoy and, please, review!

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The days have been pleasant. Tsuna enjoyed the ordinary probably more than most people do. Attending classes, doing chores, hanging around with his friends. Of course there was some training, Reborn would never let him out. However there was no pressure, no catastrophic events coming nor a huge mafia business. Even during training there was peace. Tsuna kept his expectations low, but he woke up sure today was going to be another delightful NOT special day, starting with an ordinary meal: a traditional hectic breakfast.

Lambo was eating probably more than he should and talking louder than everybody else. Reborn, of course, would eventually get annoyed and prank the 5-year-old. Today he placed a cake in the backyard and attracted the child to a not-well-hidden cage. Tsuna wasn't sure if it was safe to eat it, but since Lambo was his guardian Reborn wouldn't do anything letal. He hoped.

Leaving the house, Tsuna met Gokudera and Haru arguing about the possibility of life outside Earth. Haru was pretty convinced aliens would share their knowledge and technology while the storm guardian had a more apocalyptic version of the meeting. So typical.

"... and we don't even get along with our own species. There were tones of battles to decide which fairytale about the unknown was the right one. Do you seriously believe we wouldn't start a war against the foreigners? You are delusional."

"Oh, Ohayoo, Tsuna-san!" said Haru apparently distracted from Gokudera's last words.

"Ohayoo gosaimasu, 10th!"

And until lunch there was peace.

Hayato left the roof were they usually have lunch together to go to the bathroom. As he walked, certain words caught his attention. A group of students he never bothered to pay attention to was in the corner gossiping about an "Italian boy". As far as he knew, he was the only student who fitted the title.

"... He looks so problematic. I understand why Tsuna would walk around with him since he had no friends. Guess it's good to have somebody to keep the bullies off. But Yamamoto? Why would a guy like him, a baseball player, be near a negative person like Gokudera?"

"He is so... unpleasant, I don't know. I feel bad whenever I look at him. Not sure if I'm scared or if I pity him"

In general, he didn't bother to hear others opinions. His scary and dangerous image was his pride. He couldn't handle pity though. You only pity those who seem weak, and he wasn't. _It doesn't matter_. The only important opinion was his boss'. Tsuna treats him as an equal, even as a subordinate, and wouldn't feel down or sorry for him, would he? Shit, he hated those thoughts.

Along came the feeling... that dreadful feeling... again was he a burden?

Away from people, in a open and supposedly hidden place, he lightened up a cigarette. _If only my problems would go away as the smoke of my cigarettes_.

At the window there was a teacher, a rigid one Hayato had challenged and mocked with his intelligence. Thus began a cascade of unfortunate events, just as the books he read as a child. If his life had a narrator, he would definitely warn people to keep living happily with no awareness of his misery.

_Ok, now that's way too dramatic._

A member of the disciplinary committee appeared, gently requesting him to put down his cigarette to which Hayato responded politely. Of course, that's irony.

A couple punches and explosions later, some teachers and other members of the committee showed up. _Great, again to the principal's office_.

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Spent the last weeks recovering from a terrible disease (have you ever heard of chikungunya?). Hope you enjoy these new chapters.

Love,

Nath


	3. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Katekyo Hitman REBORN! or any of its characters. All original characters will be properly addressed as they show up at the chapters.

Enjoy and, please, review!

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Gokudera Hayato, 16 years old, italian (mostly,anyways).

Vongola Decimo's right hand man. Storm guardian, the brightest among the 10th family.

Caught smoking inside school after lunch.

_That's an insult. These men should learn to respect the Vongolas._ Standing outside the Principal's office, Hayato kept wondering how he would be by Tsuna's side at school while suspended. That was probably the worst punishment they could think of. He definitely couldn't leave Yamamoto alone to protect the boss. The door opened and he was called inside. _Shit, that's ridiculous._

He confronted the Principal with a reckless look and refused his invitation to sit down.

"Gokudera Hayato, the disciplinary committee reported you were smoking inside our school. Honestly, with your history, that does not surprise me. Agressions, insults, insubordinate behavior during classes. Until now, the only reason for us to oversee this whole situation was…"

"My grades, right?" Gokudera completed with a mockery smile on his face. "You need me to increase the school's score, eccetera"

"Usually, the parents would be invited to discuss the issue..." _Good luck with that_, Hayato thought. "However, according to our registers, your parents have never been in our school, nor ever responded to our attempts to dialogue. I am honestly concerned."

"Why don't we skip the chat. I'm granted, right? What is my punishment? Do I have to clean the reunion room, or maybe the teacher's room…?" Gokudera was picking his backpack, looking uninterested, as always.

"You are being suspended until we can contact your parents or legal guardians. Otherwise, we will have to report your case to the competent authorities, and as an international student, this could mean, in the worst case scenario, deportation." Gokudera sat, and looked with confusion towards the man. "Children in your age have to attend school, that is the japanese law, and if we no longer accept you as our student, you would be placed in another one. For immigrants, I believe, the council needs to be addressed".

"Isn't that a bit extreme? I mean, it was just a cigarette?"

"We believe your case is deeper than that, Gokudera-san. We could report your case as child neglection. The school would be pleased to discuss your education and avoid drastic measures…"

"No. I will behave. I won't get involved in arguments, I'll even answer to the teachers and stop being late for the first classes. I can do that mentoring thing were we help stupid students to get decent grades. Please, give me another chance." Gokudera raised and bowed in respect, closed his eyes, hoping to conquer the Principal's sympathy.

"I am sorry, child, but this matter has been discussed among the teachers and our decision is final: Either bring your parents or guardian to a meeting or you'll be expelled and lead to the italian council."

Leaving the office, Gokudera, angry, had one though on his mind, his main truth: _Any older person is an enemy_.

.

"Gokudera-kun, is everything alright?"

Brought out of his thoughts by his dear boss, Gokudera tried to hide his concerns. Tsuna and Yamamoto walked towards him in their way out of the Namimori School building.

"Sure, 10th, the Principal just gave me one of those speeches about behavior. Nothing new." The boy answered with his regular chilly smile. Tsuna felt there was something wrong, but couldn't tell what. As an important exam approached, the trio organized a study group after school - which ended with Nana's wonderful dinner. Kyoko would eventually join them. Nobody invited Haru - as she doesn't attend the same school - but she showed up anyway.

In the corner near Tsuna's house, after Yamamoto talked about his baseball practice, Gokudera - not really paying attention to the conversation - asked: "10th, is my sister at your house?"

"She is, but don't worry! I already mentioned you are coming over to study." Just as Tsuna finished the sentence and opened the door, Yamamoto tried to cover up Gokudera's eyes. Bianchi was walking down the stairs with no glasses on. However, Hayato thought Yamamoto was going to slap his face, so he had the most obvious reaction: He deflected and pushed the rain guardian to the floor with a surprisingly good seoi-nage (Judo movement).

Without really understanding what had happened, Tsuna tried to take Gokudera away from a confused Yamamoto. "You kids are so weird", Bianchi stated and left to the backyard. At least, he hadn't seen her.

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CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW A 14-YEAR-OLD MANAGED TO EVEN ENTER SCHOOL WITHOUT AN ADULT. THANKS.

I'll be pleased to fill the gaps Amano-senpai left in Gokudera's story. There will be some chapters were we travel the character's thoughts and fears. I am looking foward to bring those, with a very philosophical and dramatic vibe, of course.

Love,

Nath


	4. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Katekyo Hitman REBORN! or any of its characters. All original characters will be properly addressed as they show up at the chapters.

Enjoy and, please, review!

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There was excitement on his heart every time he thought about exploring our planet and beyond. At some point he came in contact with the study of stars and rocks, which fascinates him until the present. And even though the subject is polemic, there was a topic that clearly called him in a personal level: the unknown forms of life.

Maybe it is just a matter of perspective, and we haven't found life outside Earth yet simply because it's different from our definitions. Imagine being smart and brave enough to surpass the human limits and figure out the mysteries in our surroundings.

Mystic beasts and alternative beings are said to be "fantasies". Humans don't even know all the species on Earth, so how could you be so sure? Just last week there was a specie once labeled "extinct" walking around with no worries.

During his preteen years life assumed a pattern. During the day, he would go to crowded places and steal wallets. It became harder as the time went by and he grown older, but not impossible. People are dumb. He would get only the money, enough to eat.

On weekends he helped clean a bar in the morning, since the customers usually left as the sun shown up. This job he got a few months earlier, pretending he was a regular boy wanting some extra cash to buy a bike. He earned enough to pay for his explosives, which was the funniest part.

He trained himself to be a hitman one day, to live on his own. To defend himself. To clear his mind and get rid of his anger.

He rented a room with a bathroom at a bad hotel were there was hardly ever any foreigners, only fucked up people like himself to whom no one dare to ask questions. It was on a poor neighborhood, cheap and far from anyone who might have known him from his previous life. No one to bother, no one to care.

So there was food, and a roof above his head. Every once in a while there were stolen books and magazines as well. For a kid with no chance to survive in the real world, that was a victory.

He was alone, and his bare existence he faced as a mockery. By surviving, he proved to need nobody. No liars, no traitors. If he died, no one would care. And for his past family, he hoped his death would bring them misery at least, to know the child died despising them. Not that he cared about them anymore, but it felt good to imagine if anything drastic happened to him, they would suffer.

His goal was to one day be strong enough to go back, and explode that doomed property with every single bastard inside.

For his mother.

For himself.

His head was a mess, and so was his life.


	5. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Katekyo Hitman REBORN! or any of its characters. All original characters will be properly addressed as they show up at the chapters.

Enjoy and, please, review!

* * *

It was definitely not his brightest idea, but he was desperate. Imagine being torn apart from his boss? Never. For his boss he was determined to put aside his pride and ask for a favor.

Bianchi was in the kitchen - _of course_ \- drinking something Gokudera was not interested in. She glanced at him and he looked away, weird habit of his probably to avoid uncomfortable eye contact. Or maybe he was afraid to look directly to her even with the glasses on. _Such a weird child_. Aware her brother would not start the conversation, she did. "I was surprised you wanted to talk to me. How are you, Hayato?"

He looked at her, opened his mouth and gave up in the process. It was weird for him to talk to his sister, to be alone with her after everything that happened. He felt anxious, as if by approaching her he approached their past. Somewhere on the bottom of his heart, Hayato wished he could at least detach his sister from the rotten memories of their father.

"Do you want some coffee? It might help you regain courage and talk to me"

He was confused for a couple seconds and then rolled his eyes.

Messing with her brother was fun, it always has been, but there was an uncomfortable fear he would push her even farther. There were unsolved issues tearing them apart, and although her impulse was to spend days on a roll solving each one of them, for Hayato the subject was extremely delicate. Her hopes relied on a promise he made before entering the Melone base, after her version of the future pushed him to the edge. Acknowledge their relationship was pretty much the same during those ten years that passed made her anxious, which lead to the controverse moment were the words_ illegitimate son_ got thrown to Hayato's face. With the memories from the future, also came regret, and a constant doubt if doing anything was better than doing nothing.

"So, what is it? Do you need help with anything?".

"I… I had some problems at school. Japanese schools are full of bullsh*t about behavior and follow the rules. Anyways, they want to see my "legal guardian" - _He actually used air quotes for that -_ or whatever to discuss my education, because apparently it is a disaster to be smoking inside the school and beat the guy who told you not to…"

"Wait, you did what? Why were you smoking inside the school?"

"... it doesn't matter. The important part is that I need you to go there as my responsible, otherwise I can be expelled."

Bianchi took a deep breath. "When?"

"Tomorrow would be fine. I'll own you a favor"

"Don't be pathetic. You are my brother. You don't owe me anything."

She left him before any answer could form in his mouth.

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xo,

Nath


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